September 11, 2011

Where was I? I was a freshman in college... and I was asleep. My roommate ran to the room to tell me what had happened. Classes were cancelled at East Texas Baptist University.... and we had a lot of prayer times in the chapel. I was just in a state of shock at what I Was seeing on TV. I was only 17 years old. I'l never forget. I remember that Nate was taking a road trip and I was worried sick about him. It was days before I heard from him.... I was never so happy to hear that boys voice. I remember being in the chapel crying for the lives lost... and not understanding AT ALL.. I remember that next summer as I boarded a plane to Wyoming to serve as a summer missionary, how scared I was to get on that plane (first time ever).... all because of 9/11. We will never understand... I read many of the books that were put out by spouses.. and it broke my heart. Though I will never truly understand the pain because I Was not impacted personally.... I'll always have the pain because I am America... my husband leaves because of this very thing.... I'll never forget.



On March 11, 2011.. I remember where I was as well. SIX months ago, my students had just left the school and my best friend, Kimmy was coming to get me. We were going to go pick up Noah to go to Hachinohae to Toys R' US. The earthquake hit! OMG! I thought I was dying.. I am not kidding. It kept going.. they kept coming. Kim shows up.. we decide to go ahead and go.. we had no clue what had just happened was so terrible. WE were used to earthquakes.. we had one pretty sucky a couple of days before. As we were in the parking lot... getting Noah's carseat switched to Kim's van.. we just watched as cars shook from side to side as the aftershocks/earthquakes WHATEVER you want to call them... kept coming and coming!!!!!! They wouldn't stop. We still thought.. maybe we will go. Driving around base was somber..... all the lights were out. #1 priority.. get noah from off base. We did... everything was off otu there too.. We finally decided it was best to go home. (Keep i mind, our guys were deployed) I can tell you that we had no clue the extremity of the situation in Japan... I would dare to say most of us did not. We spent the evening with no electricity and running to the car, to the doorway, or perfectly still.. always grabbing a kid or two.. depending who was closest -- each time another one hit. It was constant. No lie. We finally decided to drive to Main base and see what was up.. we ended up going to the Commissary and they just let us in even though there was no electricity and they were closing, but we got batteries. That night we sat in her dark house with our candles just talking about 'what if this hit the news, our family would be so worried'... but not seriously, like we were laughing. We had NO CLUE! All through the night we kept getting the quakes, it was so scary. I just knew it was the end of the world. The next morning we were able to get AFN (our base radio) going on my radio and we heard the guy say something about "President Obama's address to the nation about the Earthquake and Tsunami in Japan." We just looked at each other. NO WAY!!! NOOO freaking way. So, indeed our family did know about it, as did the rest of the WORLD! As we listened throughout the day we would learn just how bad it was.... but we still had no clue. The base set up an Emergency Center were we could go call our families. Even when we talked to them- we told them we didn't know how bad it was... everyone in the United States (or rather WORLD) knew what was going on much more than we did!!! We were able to check our email quickly at the FD and I couldn't help but sneak a peak at some of the pictures online.. I was IN SHOCK!!! I couldn't believe it. My home.. and it was SO close SO close to us. Now, I sit here 6 months later.. my heart craves for Japan because that place became home to me. I went through a lot there... Losing Shane, Having Noah, 2 deployments, Earthquake and Tsunami.. and all of this I walked side by side with my best friends. I love that place and half of my heart is still there.. Always will be. :(



I may have written more about the Japan tragedy... but those memories are so fresh- and I just have so many more vivid memories on it. 10 years ago today our world changed. The scary world we live in became THAT Much more scarier... and since then my dear husband has left his family THREE times on a deployment ... sacrificing so much for our country. Many times a country that is so ungrateful for our men and women in uniform who are out there protecting us. As we remember the lost today... remember those that have lost also fighting this War on Terror. Remember all of the families that have been left behind and gotten word that THEIR loved one is gone.... just as the families on 9/11. I have to turn my TV off.. because I find myself consumed. My heart aches for these families. I cried many times this morning watching it... MANY times. A boy gives a speech about losing his father... I relate because I think of how Addi, Ashtyn, and Chloe are going to feel in 8 years when they say 10 years ago I lost my Daddy... A mom gives a speech about her son. My heart hurts because I think of my own mom who lost her son at such a young age. Boys and girls talk about losing their brother... I can't take it. AT aLL.



I am not comparing my brothers wreck to 9/11. I am just saying.. when these people talk- it stirs up so much in me that I just can't handle today. Not today! Anyone that loses someone close to them... they know the pain. I know how December 3rd feels each year. I know what a reminder the 3rd of any month is. ... I know how it feels to go through the anniversary.. and wonder WHY! I am praying for these families today.. and as I go to church today, I am so thankful for another day that God has given my family and I... and I am reminded that my days are limited and I need to SERVE him! May God bless you today!

I am truly blessed...

I am so thankful for who I am! There are only a few things about me that I am unhappy about- and they can all be fixed. In general I am a very happy person... We move around regularly.. and I love it. Yes, it hurts to leave the amazing family that you make each place you go.. but once you start meeting new people and getting plugged in... it is just such a home feeling! As long as I am with my boys and can get in touch with the family via phone, I am good! :) Although I do wish I was closer. I guess for this season of our life that we aren't meant to be closer to home. Britt, my sister, said it perfectly.. she was really upset we didn't get stationed in Abilene, Texas.. as that was our prayer.. to be living in the same city... but she finally had to come to terms with it and realized.. well maybe God is waiting to send us that way for closer to retirement! :) Happy thoughts!

MY SISTER AND ME!


I still think of Shane, my brother, very often.. like everyday. There are sometimes that I want to call him and tell him something or ask him something.. and I remember I can't. Why can't heaven have a phone? Seriously. I wish more than anything that he could meet Noah. My gosh, he would LOOOVE Noah! And vice verca. One of Noah's new favorite things to say is "Whose dat"... and in Noah's room is a picture of Shane and his son, Ashtyn. I don't even second think it when I answer Noah's pointing finger and sweet 'Whose dat?" to my brothers picture. I tell him "That is uncle Shane.. can you say Uncle Shane?"

THE PICTURE BLOWN UP IN NOAH'S ROOM


What a blessing noah is in my life and the times when I miss Shane the most .. either someone tells me of the resemblance of him and Shane or I see Shane in him. Today I visited with new friends. They know nothing about my brother. They know nothing about me. Well one friend, her BROTHER is visiting this week and she is sooo excited. I am excited for her. I would lie though if I told you that it didn't pain my heart a little when the girls were talking about her brother visiting and how he hasn't seen her boys in a couple of years and hasn't even met the youngest one. It pained me.. because my brother will never meet my Noah on this side of the earth! BUT! I am truly happy for her.

ME AND MY BIG BROTHER-- THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM (day I left for Japan)


I can't wait to meet THAT friend- you know, the one that you can share everything with. The one that you call anytime and they answer. The one that you can just go over and not call before hand. The one that you can walk around the store with for nothing. The one that will drop everything to help you. The one that will keep your kid, or vice verca, when needed. You know the one I am talking about!??! I can't wait to meet that friend here. I see so many potential people! :) I have been blessed to have a couple of those friends in my life. Some of them will FOREVER be that friend, even with the distance! :) God has been so good to me.

MY FAVORITE GIRLIES.. THEY HAVE BEEN WITH ME THROUGH SO MUCH.. AND THEY WERE/ARE THAT FRIEND!

This is my favorite picture.. because it is us in action- where we normally were together: The kitchen.. and i was pregnant.. I loved being pregnant!! It makes me smile.
*UPDATE*was just informed that I am NOT pregnant with Noah in this picture.. hah! It was Easter and Noah had been born the previous Sunday! With that said, I was still super happy... I loved being a Mommy from Day 1*

There seem to be so many thoughts in my head lately! I miss my mom. If you are the praying type, pray for her. She still struggles so bad with losing her first born, her only son. I can only imagine the pain my mom feels. On top of that, things have happened in the past year and a half that are crazily stupid.. but have put a division between my family. I hurt for my mom. She has this hard shell... yea, that must be where I get it from! :) (And I know you will eventually read this, but it is my heart).. I just pray that God breaks that shell... and she can heal. As much as a mom can heal after losing her son. I wish that we all lived SO much closer.. I wish I could be there for her like I need to be. I wish I could be part of those kiddos lives. What an amazing mom. She picked up with what Shane was doing.. and she has his kids when he would have. It is sOOO great for those kiddies, but sometimes so hard. I love my mom. Pleaes, please. just pray for her.

TRIED TO UPLOAD A PIC OF MY MOM. AFTER 2 TRIES AND 10 MINUTES EACH TIME, I GAVE UP. THANK YOU BLOGGER! :(

Discouragement

Learning Ladder Childcare won't be opened until AT LEAST December!


I heard from the state of California yesterday. They said they are backed up, so I was curious to know what that meant exactly.. a couple of weeks, a month? I had definitely expected to be able to start next month. I am told they are backed up by about FOUR months.. and I am on the list for them to come inspect my house in DECEMBER!! So discouraging. I was really upset at first. I HATE not being able to contribute to my family financially. If you know my husband, you know that he doesn't really think stay-at-home moms do much... BUT! I want him to feel like I am contributing with more than taking care of our son.



So today I have had this huge thought in my head... I know that GOD has a plan and HE has control over everything, including this inspection. WHAT is the reasoning behind this four month delay? I know there is something the Lord wants me to take from it? I am just trying to figure out what. I keep thinking.. Hm.. maybe he wants me to learn how to be a dedicated mom who educates my son and takes care of my husband. Maybe I need to be putting things in different places in my life? I am eager to watch Noah learn. It is so much fun. He is saying so many new, big words EVERY day. It is so much fun. I am waiting for my curriculum to get here that I bought. I intend to go ahead and get Noah on the schedule that I will use for my daycare. With the exception of playdates (such as today)... we will go!! I think I need to prioritize my life a little more.



On a bright note, I can take ONE family at a time to keep. And I got a phone call yesterday about keeping an 8 week old. I have an interview with them tomorrow... so if it is the right fit, I pray that Lord will show all four of us that it is!! ;) With that said, I am getting off of here to work on a puzzle with my little man!

9lbs of bread,. WHAT?!

Am I going to become the person that turns my blog into the new foods that I cook? NO!! But I am so proud of some of my new recipes.. that I want to share. Today i decided I wanted to make bread. Well... I babysat tonight, so I was a little sidetracked. I started the recipe for 9lbs of bread. I couldn't go back.. not after I used all the honey! :S... so I made 9lbs of bread. Holy Rising Bread!!!



I freak a little.. call the mother in law and we decide I should try to freeze some. She has a friend who has done that and it has worked out well. So I divided my bread into six balls. Froze three... Cooked 2 loaves of bread and one of the balls I turned into cinnamon rolls...





The rolls came out tasting great.. I haven't tasted the bread yet, but i am sure I will tomrrow. I am having TOO much fun cooking. Now I just can't wait to get my wheat grinder from storage.. although after three and a half years, I have a sinking feeling that it isn't going to work anymore. I am tempted to ask the husband to get me one for my birthday.. but there are several things I would like to treat myself to for that day... and I Am not sure which one that I want the most. I want a grinder and a sewing machine pretty bad.. Oh well.. such is life! :)

Homemade Bagels

*Note that these took some time and were quite tedious, but YUMMY*

Yield: 15 bagels, 1 cookie sheet
Oen: 450 degrees, 12 minutes



Water, warmed: 2.5 cups
Oil: 2 tsp
Sugar: 1/3 cup
Yeast, Active Dry: 4 tsp

1. Combine the above in a 4-5qt mixer bowl with dough hooks.
2. Use wire whisk to dissolve yeast
3. Let sit until foamy; 5-10 minutes

Flour, all purpose: 7.5 cups
Salt: 2.5 tsp

4. Combine and add
5. Mix until combined. (Dough will be very stiff)
6. Increase to medium speed and mix for 7-8 minutes or until gluten is developed (a small piece of dough can be stretched paper-thin without tearing)



7. Cover dough and let rest fro 10 minutes.
8. Roll into 16" log. Cut into 15, 1" slices.



9. Roll each piece into a smooth ball.
10. Cover and let balls rest for 5 minutes.
11. Shape into rings by poking finger in center of each ball. Then work in a circle to widen the hole to 1.5-2" wide.



12. Place on cornmeal-dusted cookie sheet, 5 rows of 3.
13. Cover tightly and chill overnight.

NEXT DAY
14. Remove dough from refrigerator and let sit for 20 minutes.



15. Boil for 30 seconds. Remove to wire rack. (I found it better if you boil for about 15 sec on one side and make sure it flips to get the other side)





16. Place on greased cookie sheet.
17. Bake at 450 for 12 minutes or until browned. (Mine did not really brown on top.. but I felt them and could tell they were done)



ENJOY!






Variations:

HONEY WHOLE WHEAT: Substitute honey for sugar. Substitute whole wheat flour for half of the all-purpose flour.
CINNAMON RAISIN: Add along witht eh flour: 1 and 3/4 tsp cinnamon and 1 cup raisins.

I want to be "THAT" mom and wife..

Is it finally happening? Am I finding the time now that we are settled to be "that" wife and mom that I have wanted to be for.. well, forever! I think it might be true. Who would have ever thought that everything my mother-in-law has ever preached to me... from whole wheat, baking my own bread, cooking from scratch... all the way to homeschooling-- would become the desires of my heart? Who would have thought it... ???

Finally after eight years of marriage... I no longer have a job outside of the home. I am currently waiting for California to get up to speed and come inspect our home so I can get my daycare license... but that is just a waiting game with the state. But I get to stay home with Noah! I have joined a veggie 'co-op' where I will get tons of fresh veggies each week!! I am so pumped about this. Our wheat grinder should be here by the end of the month, so I am looking into getting wheat so I can grind it myself. Say goodbye to store bought bread and everything I can make. Tonight I am working hard on homemade bagels.

Yesterday I realized that I love it here. I love my home. I love it all. Do I miss my family, YES! It was so much easier being in Japan.... I didn't really have much of a choice to go home. But they are just RIGHT.HERE... yet still 30 hours away. Makes it hard. Makes me sad I won't see any of the soccer games and such for my brother's kids. I just hope I can see it one day! I miss my family in Japan SOOO much.. but I am learning to live my life here.. without them, as sad as it is. To a normal person, that may not seem like you can do it.. but with the life we live, we do. But I can tell you I made friends that will be my friends FOREVER over there... and will always, ALWAYS be my family.

God has blessed us with a church home already. I am eager to get involved and get to know more people in the church. We are already involved in a small group, which is so nice! I purchased my preschool curriculum today. I hope it is as great as I think it will be. I know I could have wrote my own, but to be honest... I just didn't want too!! As I love life here, I leave you with a couple of pictures... of my new favorite things right now!! COOKING!!!

A whole lot o' nothin'

There is nothing going on new here. Just waiting for the state to give me my in home daycare license so I can get started. I will be so happy to start bringing in some income to contribute to our family again. I have always worked.. so every time we move and I am without job-- it sucks for a bit! :) I mean, WE are okay.. but mentally I need to know that I am contributing financially to my family. The area we live in is so great to me. It isn't too big... but it isn't too small. We can get anywhere we need in just minutes. We have our security system installed- so you should know that I slept a whole lot better last night. Working on getting the Rooster head to sleep on his own.... I joined a vegetable coop.. I am excited about that. Fresh farm grown veggies WEEKLY! Noah has started eating a whole lot more food. He had his check-up yesterday. Dr. is shocked with how much he does. This morning he said BANANA clear as day to me.. I was like.. Uh, excuse me.. please go back to being a baby! :) I am so proud of the little boy he has become. I am one proud mommy. Sure miss my family and because we are stateside, I wish we were close enough to drive home for a long weekend... but we aren't .. gotta learn my new, new! :) Miss my friends.. and I sure miss Japan! :)