Letter

Shane,

I miss you brother. A.LOT. I miss our talks and laughing. It makes me sad because I think of all the times we missed out on things together... because I thought you would always be there. Life is so different without you. And sometimes it sucks. I am so thankful that God gave me Noah when he did... because Noah has helped me continue living. I have been dreaming about you more often. The past two dreams stay with me.. The first one you told me 'I am okay.' And the last one you asked me 'Can I hold him?' Your the best big brother ever. Forever if I am asked if I have brothers and sisters.. I will say yes, an older brother and a younger sister. Sometimes I wonder where you are, what you are doing. My faith has definitly been shaken through all of this. There are so many reasons why you should still be here. Yet, you arent. I can not understand it. I miss you. I watch families around me arguing over minut things, not talking to each other, disowning each other, not loving each other, etc. It makes me mad. I do not understand. It makes me even madder because you see- these families that surround me acting this way- they havent lost their son or brother.. becuase if they had.. surely things would be different for them, right? I listen to people that do not know of my personal life complaining about their siblings and well.. I just want to yell.. AT LEAST YOURS IS STILL HERE. I love you brother. 9+ months have passed and it makes me mad and sad. I didnt think we would be able to move on.. and honestly I feel guilty. Like I said.. I am SO thankful God put Noah in my life at that time. He has been my saving grace. You told me being a parent was amazing. Wow bro, you were right. I have never been happier in my life. The only thing that could make me any happier would be that you were still here and you had met your little nephew. I love you... and miss you... SO MUCH.
Your Little Sister