Friday, 26 November 2010

One of those days

It could be because:
-I miss Nathan
-I am tiring of being alone already
-I secretly wish I could spend the next five months at home
-Drama in my heart
-Hurt feelings
-A childhood friend getting killed in a car wreck a few nights ago
-Addi asking when her daddy is going to wake up
-Me thinking about my last day with Shane

But I am in tears. I want to go home, but I can't. I am going home in a couple of weeks.. but I want to now. I keep thinking of my last day with Shane.. then I remembered a couple of words we shared for a minute and I lost it.

Shane said: 3 years is a long time, Cass
I said: Yea, but they will go by SO fast

I can't get that small conversation out of my head. Those are the only words I remember.. BUT had I known, I would have fought tooth and nail for us to stay in America. Had I known, I would have been the one to come to America after my being gone a year, instead of mom and Britt coming to me. Had I known- I would have hugged him a little longer.

I'm not good with emotions.. so with all of us crying.. I am sure I was rushing the hugs. I remember when we first got to the airport.. My luggage was too heavy.. and I was just trying as we tried to adjust it. I remember Shane and Greg dealing with it mostly. I remember Shane getting in my face and telling me to calm down.

I remember:
his smile
his laugh
his sense of humor
his voice
his HANDS

I remember all of the good and bad.. Gosh, I need my brother back. This isn't fair.. life isn't fair. Here we are inching our way to the year mark. Tuesday is a year since I last talked to him...

I don't ever want to forget. EVER.

Thanksgiving

"I will enter His gates with Thanksgiving in my heart, I will enter His courts with praise... I will rejoice for He has made me glad."

I try to live my life with Thanksgiving in my heart! I like to think I am a pretty thankful person! We just celebrated Thanksgiving without Daddy here with us .. and without Shane at all. Times are hard, but we carry on and remember what we are thankful for.

Thank you GOD!!! For my husband, my son, my family, my health, my friends, my job, my dog, my home, my experiences, my convictions, my salvation, forgiveness, my heart, etc. Thank you