One of those days

It could be because:
-I miss Nathan
-I am tiring of being alone already
-I secretly wish I could spend the next five months at home
-Drama in my heart
-Hurt feelings
-A childhood friend getting killed in a car wreck a few nights ago
-Addi asking when her daddy is going to wake up
-Me thinking about my last day with Shane

But I am in tears. I want to go home, but I can't. I am going home in a couple of weeks.. but I want to now. I keep thinking of my last day with Shane.. then I remembered a couple of words we shared for a minute and I lost it.

Shane said: 3 years is a long time, Cass
I said: Yea, but they will go by SO fast

I can't get that small conversation out of my head. Those are the only words I remember.. BUT had I known, I would have fought tooth and nail for us to stay in America. Had I known, I would have been the one to come to America after my being gone a year, instead of mom and Britt coming to me. Had I known- I would have hugged him a little longer.

I'm not good with emotions.. so with all of us crying.. I am sure I was rushing the hugs. I remember when we first got to the airport.. My luggage was too heavy.. and I was just trying as we tried to adjust it. I remember Shane and Greg dealing with it mostly. I remember Shane getting in my face and telling me to calm down.

I remember:
his smile
his laugh
his sense of humor
his voice
his HANDS

I remember all of the good and bad.. Gosh, I need my brother back. This isn't fair.. life isn't fair. Here we are inching our way to the year mark. Tuesday is a year since I last talked to him...

I don't ever want to forget. EVER.