FB

Sometimes when you are looking around FB.. pictures randomly pop up. For the first time in a long time pictures of Shane popped up tonight.. Now, I can't sleep. His pictures seem so... like he is right there... so near! The terrible realization that he will not be there in a few weeks.. sucks! It makes no sense.. I have been home without him being there. BUT this was the moment we were waiting for... to come back home! It is terrible. Why does death have to be part of our life... I wish we could all continue to live happily ever after! :) I know- keep dreaming. Sometimes when FB puts those pictures.. it sucks.

So not only can I not sleep- I am emotional. So many things going through my head. In a span of about a year I lost my brother and best friend. It is hard not to question why? But... why!? What is the purpose behind all of this? I did not lose my BF to death in case you are confused! :) God is good.. That is what I keep telling myself. I told myself that over and over after Shane's death.. I wondered if I would ever believe it again. I do. Do I understand anything? NO! But I do know that My God is good!

T-28 days

And we are leaving Japan... for good this time! I can't believe our three year tour is coming to an end. We have done some pretty amazing things while being in Japan. The best and most life changing is that we became PARENTS while living in Japan! The best thing that has happened in my life. It is very bittersweet to leave here. Mother-in-law made a good point to me though- when we came here, we KNEW it was only for three years.. so I think knowing that has had me prepared for this. So many things have happened since we moved here... Made the best friends a girl could ask for- seriously... I have never had friends like I have met here. I got the best job I could ever ask for (job outside the home)... and as much as I hate leaving my baby everyday to go to work, I know I will miss my job and the people that I work with.... but great things are coming my way as I will be able to now stay home with my munchkin. We climbed Mt. Fuji- what an awesome experience. I watched a great friend come to know the Lord... another one headed to heaven. I found out I was pregnant.. and as shocked as we were, it was some of the most exciting months in my life. My brother died- by far the hardest thing I have been through to date... I never would have guessed that I would not be seeing him next month. He told me that three years was forever- yea, only if we knew that me coming here would really make it FOREVER... but not forever, I have to remind myself.. I will see and hug my brother again in heaven. I had the most precious baby boy enter my life and change me for the better and FOREVER! This little boy came at the most precious time.. Thank the Lord he knows what He is doing in my life. I lost my best friend.. and as hard as this has been... I have moved forward.. walking in the will of the Lord for my life and learning not to ask him WHY everyday about this! God is good and He will prevail from any situation! We went to Thailand! COME ON!!! The BEST vacation yet! No one will ever be able to tell me that anything was better than that.. we vacationed in an amazing place, without going broke, very family oriented, with two of our best friends!! God is good!

I am leaving behind some of the best friends that I have ever had in my life.. but I also know that I will be friends with these people FOREVER. Kim and Jason Demoss and Ryan Wade have truly been my closest friends on this base. I am so thankful for them. As sad as I am to leave them .. I know that we will meet again. I know we will visit these people.. and I know we will be more than Facebook friends! Thank the Lord for true friends. This is one of the hardest parts to the life we live... leaving these amazing friends that you make. I have been down this road a couple of times.. and something was different with these friends... something that will last forever. Perhaps it is the fact that being over here we HAD to learn to depend on each other because we didn't have our family right by us. All I know is that I am so thankful God put these people in my life and I can't wait to watch them all grow.. and see what god has in store for their lives.

As I mentioned, the three year mark is coming up.. and it is a hard realzation that my brother will not be there when I get home. Sure, he has not been there the past three times I have been home... but he was suppose to be here. He told me that three years was forever... in the card he gave me when I left he wrote that he would see me "whenever three years was up." I don't understand it.. never will. I have to keep reminding myself that God has a plan and He is good!! I can't believe June will mark a year and a half since he died... three years since I saw his face... and his 31st birthday. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate June?

I am leaving Japan with many memories, adventures, and new friends. But best of all I am leaving with the two boys that mean so much to me.. Daddy and Baby. I praise the Lord and thank Him for this awesome experience! Thank you, Lord... Thank you!