Really?

Has it really been almost 2 years since I have heard your voice? I listened to the voicemails that I, THANKFULLY, have saved from this time two years ago, tonight... You still sound the same and I can still hear you.. without that voicemail. Hearing your voice makes me want to believe you are still here, that our family has not had to go through this... That you are still there when we call... that everything is normal. For the few seconds of your voicemail, my world seemed right again... and then it ended. Why?

I am thankful...

Everyone on facebook is doing the 30 day of Thankfulness! I should have done it. I have so much to be thankful for in my life! I am a VERRRY grateful person for so many things in my life! Some of these things are:

1. My salvation- Because of Christ I am saved... and I will live in the perfect place one day... and be with Shane and Grandpa again.

2. My husband- He takes care of us... loves us.. supports us. He completes me. I am so thankful that the boy I met when I was 16 has been my husband for the past 9 years. I am SO thankful for him!!

3. Noah- My sweet little boy. I never knew that being a mommy would be the most amazing thing ever. I love watching him learn and I am so thankful that God gave him to me when he did. He completes us.

4. Moma- I have the best mom in the world. She has guided us, supported us, and just been there for us. She is so strong. She lost her son almost 2 years ago... but continues to walk this earth being an amazing mommy and gammy.

5. Britt- I have the best little sister ever. I admire this girl. She is truly an amazing person. She is married to a great man and they are serving the Lord... I look up to her.

6. Shane- I am so thankful for the time the Lord allowed me to have with my brother. It kills me that he is gone, not here raising his children, not here for me anymore... to be an uncle. BUT I am so very thankful that I had him for so long- he always took up for me!!

7. Dad- I am thankful to have had a dad growing up and the memories we hold together from when I was younger is something no one can ever take away. I am proud of who my dad is today.

8. Grandma and Grandpa- They helped raise me... they are the reason I am who I am today, spiritually. My gma has always been one of the closest people to me along with my mom, bro and sis... Love my gparents.

9. My family- I have extended family that I am thankful for. No one can take what memories I have of them either. Though things will never be the same again, I am forever thankful for who they were to me growing up.

10. My inlaws- I have great inlaws. Many people can't say they have the relationship with their mother-in-law that I do. We have a huge family on Nate's side.. and I am so thankful!

11. Addi, Ashtyn, Chloe- My brothers kids. I have loved being an aunt since I became one my freshman year in college. I never thought I would be able to love my own kids as much as I love my brothers :) Those kids have a long road ahead of them without their Daddy.. but with my family and God.. they will make it. LOVE these kids.

12. My education- I am SO thankful to be a teacher. Thankful that the Lord provided and I was able to get my Masters Degree before having a family. People thought when I got married at 19 that I would not finish school.. BOOOYAHH!

13. SAHM- I am SOOOOO thankful that I am able to be a stay at home mom. Though I have a masters degree.. I don't care. I don't care the money that I spent (and still pay) for my education... I am doing what I want to do- raise my son.

14. Teacher- I will always be a teacher. Even if I stay home forever, I will forever be a teacher. I love teaching... I have had great colleagues and students. I have learned a lot.. and loved a lot! Forever memories.

15. Dezi- I am thankful for our dog. She is so amazing. Dezi kept us entertained before Noah! :) She still keeps us entertained. Now I am thankful for what she is to Noah.. they are totally bffs.

16. Japan- I am forever thankful fo the USAF for sending me to Japan. What an experience. I have many a posts about Japan... I am so thankful that my son was born there and I will be able to share those awesome memories with him. I would go back in a heartbeat!

17. Girlfriends- I have had some of the best girlfriends in the world. I am so thankful for them! Some of these girls have known me (during the seasons we were together) better than I knew myself. They could read me when I was hiding things. Forever, I am grateful for who these girls were during the seasons they were meant to be in my life.

18. Military- WOW! I never thought I would be a military wife. I am sooo thankful for it. I have learned so much, grown so much, and enjoyed so much. I may have to spend months at a time alone.. but it makes me more grateful for this man of mine. The military has taken me to places I never thought I would go and helped me meet my forever friends.

19. Forgiveness- I am thankful that God forgives me.. and has taught me to forgive. I am also so very thankful for the forgiveness of others... when they give it to me when I don't deserve it.

20. My house- I love being a home owner. I love the fact that we got to pick out our own home... We love our home. I am so thankful that the Lord provides and has blessed us with this amazing home!

21. Church- Bayside Plumas Lake has become home to us.. and for that I am so thankful. I spent the first six months very involved in a church in Japan and then after that, I could not ever find my place... I am so thankful that the Lord guided us to Bayside... and we got plugged right in. We enjoy the sermons and Noah has a wonderful place to go. God is good!

22. Daycare- I pray(ed) that the Lord will bring the kids to my home that HE wants here.. kids that I can help make a difference with. I am so thankful for the kids that I have right now. I am learning to love them as my own.

23. Home- I am thankful that our parents live in the same town. Many of my friends have to travel to different states to visit home... I don't have that stress. Thank you, Lord. I am so thankful for our small town in Texas...

24. Memories- I am thankful that I have memories.. these are what keep me above water sometimes.. and these are what help me remember the special people in my life.

25. New friends- God is good to me. I am so forever thankful for the new friends He brings to me. I know He is faithful and the days I am lonely, I have to remember that I am sooo very thankful for these new ladies He has placed in my life.

26. Health- I am so thankful to have a healthy family. Thank you, Lord.

27. Finances- I am so thankful that the Lord provides and helps us to be "smart" with our finances. I am happy to live {almost} debt free!

28. I-Love-You- I am so thankful for those words. My parents raised us to say them all the time adn we still do. Noah is being raised to say them.. and I LOVE hearing those words.

29. Joy- I am so thankful that God has given me a life of joy. I try to always be a joyful person.. and extend that joy to my family.

30. Discernment- I am thankful that God is working with me and discernment. I am happy I don't have as much diarrhea of the mouth as I used to..

31. Continued Growth- I am thankful that the Lord continues to grow me... and I try to let him. Though I don't like growing older.. I am thankful that He helps me to become wiser as I grow older.. Thank you, Lord.

32. Greg- I am thankful for my "step dad" which he hates being known as. He has been my moms rock during her hardest times, helps support and raise my brothers kids, and has always loved me.

33. Forever friends- I have several forever friends. Some are friends from when I was a kid.. others are from the military. I am so thankful for all of these people., They all hold a special place in my heart.

34. My life- I am just thankful to be alive. I live a very blessed life! Thank you, God!

Among many other things.. these are just SOME of the things I am most thankful for!

UpDaTeS

It is going on a month since I last posted.. eek! There were many times in the past few weeks that I wanted to write, but my computer has been messed up. I got it back in the mail yesterday and of course now, I don't know what I was going to write about! :) We have had three visitors since I last wrote. Cousin Bubba came and we spent a while with him. He and Nate were able to get out and about for three days.. taking Noah with on two of those days. We had a great time. Just a great man, easy to get along with, chat with, AND best of all- you don't have to entertain. HE had set up a California Family Get Together while he was here- that was fun.. We met family near us that we had never met before. Matter of fact, Nate's mom had not seem them since the late 60s. Mother in law came in as well. She brought one of the nephews with her. I was truly sad to see her go. It went so fast. We had a great time. She was easy to entertain as well. I have loads of pictures of Noah and his cousin on my facebook! All in all, the visits were amazing and all too fast.

The Sunday before mother in law left, Noah got sick.. we didn't take him in that day.. he was fine that night and the next day. Then it started when he woke up from his nap on Tuesday. I was more concerned because of how he was gasping for air..so we took him to Urgent Care. All tests came by negative, thank God. We went to see his DR yesterday and she seems to think it is some kind of stomach virus. Poor baby! This moma was a wreck.. thinking the worst possible things! This is the first real time he has been sick and I was scared out of my mind.. praying, praying, praying.



So now we wait. Wait for what? The week of Thanksgiving my sister and her husband are coming!! YAY! I am so excited. It is going to be sad not to have mom here with us.. but it is going to make us feel like real adults, cooking our own Thanksgiving meal together. I hope we live closer one day!

December 3 is quickly approaching and I am not ready for it. Strangely I have been invited to two different things on that day. How do you say no- I dont do anything on December 3? The Worst Date of My Life! I plan to hole up in my house, with my boy.. and if I want to cry- I am going to cry. If I want to look at pictures, I will. If I want to hear his voice, I will listen to those last voicemails he sent me... if I want to relive that terrible day 2 years ago, I will go and reread all of my blogs from then. I am going to do what I want to do... and think of my big brother the whole time.

So much of Noah makes me think of Shane. Might be odd, but it is true. Noah is my light when my heart hurts so bad... from losing Shane, losing friends, being lonely, anything random. Our lives change so much. I never thought I would have to live my life without my brother... I never thought I would have to find another best friend... I never thought I would be so happy being a mommy .. and I certainly never thought I would be so content and happy staying home!

I try to remember to thank the Lord for all of my blessing when I get down and out! I have so much to be thankful for- I am truly blessed.