Wednesday, 4 April 2012

I Remember

Twenty-four months ago, plus some days, I gave birth to the most precious baby boy. I NEVER realized that becoming a mother would change who I am so much. I remember finding out I was pregnant and it was just so surreal. I remember Nate not believing it. I remember calling my friend, Kim, to tell her that we wanted to come down- maybe I said I needed to talk to her? I am not sure how it came about. I remember walking into her house and seeing her and Jason. If my memory serves me correctly I think I put the pregnancy test down to let her see it without saying anything. Kim, do you remember that day? I remember that I told Kim before my other friend. I remember calling the other friend and telling her and of course she came. I remember Nate and Jason went golfing, as if our lives were the same that they were 24 hours ago. I remember my friends going with me to get the official test done at the clinic. I remember skyping with my mom. Britt were you there? How did I tell you? Did I Skype with you? I vaguely think I did??? I remember calling my brother and him not believing me, yet being so excited. I remember Kim, Abbey, and I hanging out all day in Kim's house- talking baby. I remember looking at my pregnant best friend realizing one of my dreams was coming true- bring pregnant with a best friend. I remember waiting... waiting for the clinic to call me and confirm that I was indeed pregnant. I remember Abbey getting a hold of Ryan- was he at work? I remember him being shocked. I remember Nate and Jason walking through the door from golfing and Nate just looking at me and me nodding my head. I remember he wouldn't truly 'believe' it until the DR. confirmed it. I remember. 

I remember how much I loved being pregnant. How much I loved that pregnant belly. The joy it brought me. I remember one of the few times I got sick and it was on the way back to North Area in Japan- Kim and I had went to get Popeyes for our families. I remember as we waited for our order to be ready how I guzzled sweet tea... and then filled it up again. I remember opening her van door on the ride home (5 minutes maybe) and throwing up like three times. HAHA! Stupid sweet tea. I remember everything. I remember enjoying every moment. The last few weeks were the hardest on my body. I was so swollen and honestly just so ready to meet my boy. I remember being in the hospital with Kim as she was laboring with Allie. I remember wondering why the DR. was NOT in there! My friend was crying in pain! :) I remember listening to Kim cry and scream as Abbey kept hacking up her lungs and I kept telling Abbey to be quiet or go somewhere else because I had to hear this! :) She didn't take it personal... I remember thinking this was going to be me and I could not wait. I remember hearing Allie cry for the first time, seeing my best friend, holding that baby girl who would become Noah's best friend. I remember.

I remember knocking on Abbey and Ryan's door to see if Abbey would go to the hospital with me.. Nate had dropped me off there to go bowling.. but I had to use the bathroom so bad. So I used the one down stairs... I remember there was blood. So I quickly went to Abbey's door- no answer. I called, several times, no answer. I remember walking to the bowling alley, 9+ months pregnant, in the snow... to get Nate to take me. I remember not calling Kim because I am too prideful and didn't think it was really it. I remember how I didn't want to tell anyone until I knew it was true. I remember telling Nate it was nothing, to drop me off to be checked, and I will call him. I remember the nurse telling me they were keeping me because of blood pressure. I remember Abbey and Kim calling me.... annoyed/upset with me that I had not called Kim! Nate had gotten in touch with Abbey who got in touch with Kim. That is who we were back then... it was good. I remember Nate calling and telling him I was going to be going home soon.... I wanted him to finish his game. I knew that Noah was not coming anytime soon. He was hosting Japanese nationals, had been all week, and they were doing a bowling function- I did not want him to miss out. I remember him calling again.... and I then told him that yes, we would be having this baby boy. I remember him coming. I remember Ryan and Abbey going to my house to get the stuff that of course had been packed for weeks. I remember them taking care of Dezi as we were in the hospital. 

I remember my friends. All four of them being there. Ryan, Abbey, Jason, Kim. All of them. They were there. I know that if Kim and Jason had not had a baby at the time, that Jason would have stayed there to. That is who we were. I remember the next day, Sunday. My friends were there. I remember Nate and Ryan playing cards in the corner while my best friends took care of me. I will always, always love these girls for that. I remember that day so much. I remember when we had to make that hard choice to go forward with the decision to have a C-Section that my friends hurt for me. I know they did. They knew how bad I wanted to try to do this alone... no meds. I remember my friends taking care of switching our stuff to the new room. I remember everything that goes along with the CSection. I remember my friends being there, waiting for us, as I was wheeled to that room. I remember my friends still being there, TIRED, so they could see me meet my baby boy for the first time. I remember how they held him. How happy I was to have them. I remember. 

I am so blessed. God knew who needed to be in my life during that season. I will never understand why He takes people out of our lives, but I know that His reasoning serves a higher purpose than I will ever understand. I am so thankful to have loved all of these people, even if only for a while. 

My boy. He is so full of energy. He loves to learn. He is an artist, like his Uncle Shane. :) He is a neat freak, like his Daddy. He is so fun. He is so smart. Every.Single.Day he amazes me. I love him. I love his independence and his dependence on me, his mommy. I love how he says my name. I love him. I love how he gets excited to see his Daddy when he comes home from work. I love how he gets excited to see me after one hour of being away from me. I love how he loves Dezi. I love how he knows who Gammy, TawTaw, BrittBritt, and Gell are. I love this boy.

It wouldn't matter if someone had told me how great being a mom was- I am sure they did... you never can truly understand what it means until you are a mom. I have learned that. I am sooooo happy that God has blessed me and allows me to stay home with my  boy now. I love staying home. I love teaching him and watching him learn. Yet, he teaches me. 

This sweet kid. He teaches me to be a better person, to be more energetic, not to worry about the small stuff, to have more patience, to have more fun, to laugh more, to want to learn. He teaches me. 

Becoming a mommy was natural to me and I am so thankful.

As I see so many people having babies or announcing their pregnancy... I think about how I Can't wait until the Lord decides to bless us with another baby. My boy will be the best big brother. Just like my brother was. As I sit here looking at my boy during nap time I am brought to tears because of the love I have for him... and in the same breath my heart hurts because my brother will never know him. 

All this to say:

I can't wait to have that pregnant belly again!! 

(WOW! I finally said it)


  1. so beautifully written!! I remember all of those things too! Especially the day you scared me to death by opening the car door every 2 minutes to puke on our way home from Popeyes and how stubborn you were not to call me that day you went to the hospital, haha! I'm SO thankful to have been a part of your journey into motherhood and that you were a part of mine too. I love you forever friend!