A day I wish could have just not happened this year. This would have been my big brother's 30th birthday. In previous years.. I would have already been talking to him for a couple of weeks about what he wanted for his birthday.. and most likely in the end, I would have just given him money! :) My brother was a funny guy... oh how I miss him. I mentioned in a previous post that this has been a very hard month. And it has. I think about him constantly. I see his face, her his voice, just all of the memories. 15 days from now, his birthday, I go home. And he wont be there. Chloe, Shane's oldest, wants to cook a cookie cake for her daddy and make shirts for her, the other kids, and her Daddy. This is just how she is dealing with it. I am so glad that my mom is strong enough to do these things with her. Because once again, I am thankful that I am not there to be a part of this.. because emotionally, I probably couldn't handle it. HOWEVER, how I really wish that I could be with my family today.
I told my sister yesterday that I dreaded today. She didn't understand why- because in America, the next day was only the 29th. Then she understood. She said it kinda sucks because I have to have the 30th for a little longer. No, it wont be the 30th in Japan for two days... but I will know it IS his birthday in the states even when it is July 1st here.. It sucks.
I miss you Shane, every last thing about you. I keep thinking about how you would just hug me.. and I wish I could have that hug again. My heart hurts for your kids, but I know that you are watching moma keep your memory alive... and doing the things you would be doing with them. You will always be my big brother and when asked how many brothers and sisters I have- I will always have two... my older brother and my younger sister.
I love you.
I miss you.
Happy 30th Birthday.
No comments:
Post a Comment