July 4th

Once again I am spending July 4th away from East Texas while my WHOLE family is together. Lucky for me they have skype and skype with me. There are two differences this year: I have Noah to entertain me as I am alone AND my brother is not in East Texas enjoying the 4th and giving me a hard time via skype or the phone for not being there. It is so sad how life has to go on. I wish I could just rewind to the day 2+ years ago that I left.. and stay there.. but add Noah to the mix.

I go home in 11 days. I am beyond ready. I can not wait for everyone to meet Noah. I do hope that being with my family will make it so much easier to just deal with everything at home. Not having Shane .. sucks. I do not know how else to put it. No one can ever truly understand this kind of loss until you go through it. It is terrible.

Shane's best friend, Brian, found out his daddy died on the 27th. I hurt for B. His birthday is in June too.. and he had a hard time on Shane's bday because they use to party together... and Shane was no longer here. And then to top it off, he found out of his daddy's death ON Shane's birthday. I hurt for him and i can not wait to hug him and for Noah to meet his Uncle Brian. I know that B will never take the place of my brother- but I also know that he will try his darndest to be the uncle that Shane WOULD HAVE been to Noah. And for that-- I am SO thankful.

My boy makes me happy. I am sooo proud of him and everything he does. I love him so much and I love being a mommy. This transition to mommyhood has not been challenging for me and I am sooo thankful. There were times in the beginning that I questioned myself about things- but all in all, it has been AWESOME. I can not believe he is 3mths old.. where does the time go?

Have a Happy 4th everyone!