Texas, here we come

As I write this my Noah is sitting up using his boppy pillow watching a Disney movie! He just finished eating his rice cereal and applesauce.. he LOVED it. Yesterday and today have been.... wierd. Noah has been quite clingy to me and whiney.. he isnt normally a whiney baby. Perhaps.. perhaps he understands when Mommy tells him that we are going to have to share eachother when we get to Texas! :) What do you think? I just love him. He is growing up so fast. He is now rolling both ways and began working with a sippy cup today. He is sooo sweet.

I am reading a book.. and I found a quote that has become my prayer for my trip home..

"Lord, give me the Strength to be Weak"I am not a weak person and I certainly do not show my weakness.. when I write in here.. I am writing things that I normally do not talk about- in regards to my brother. But I have to DEAL with his death this trip home, I HAVE to. So, truly- I need strength to be weak. That is quite sad that I have to pray that God will help me be weak. But I know I need to go to his graveside.. I know I need to go talk to him... I need to see his headstone. I need to do all of this. And.. I think I need to do it alone. Although that thought, totally- freaks me out!!!

I am very excited for this trip home. But I am very sad at the same time. I am sad that my brother will not be there to give me one of his hugs.. I am sad that he will not get to meet his precious nephew.. and I am sad that he will not be there to bug the crap out of me and give me a hard time. I am sad that I wont get to watch him father his children this trip-- and I am nervous to hear them talk about him. It has been almost 8 mths since I last spoke with him. ... and all I want is to call him.. or to get annoyed with his million calls.. but still laugh and love him through the annoyance! Gosh, I miss him.

I can not wait to see my grandma with Noah... I just CAN NOT wait. She is the first person that will get him when we land. She can not wait. We are very close.. and I know she loves him so much- I just can not wait to see her with him.. and for him to give her one of his amazing smiles.

Then my sis.. I can not wait for her to get there and meet him1! She is going to love him. She says it is sooo wierd still to know that Noah is MY child.. but she is the most AWESOME aunt EVER!! And Noah is going to loooove her.

My mom... I think Noah will remember her voice when he heras her. He skypes with her often.. and laughs and talks to her.. and he stares so intently... It is so sweet.

Please pray for safe travels.. as we leave in a few short hours!!!

Be blessed. And again I pray that the Lord will give me the strength to be weak.