June 30

Tomorrow is June 30. My big brother would have been 31 years old. I still can't believe he is gone. I went to the cemetery today. It is so strange seeing his name and picture on a headstone. What I would give to have him back here on this earth. But I truly believe he is walking around heaven with Grandpa. I believe they are watching over us. I hope that I can always make them proud with the life that I live and the choices I make. I will never understand why God allowed my brother to die that night, but I have come a long way from when he first left us. I blamed God for a long time. For the longest time, my spiritual walk and life really suffered. I believe it is because of the way that I handled that time in my life that other things happened the way they did... but that is for another blog.

Shane was a great man. An amazing Daddy... a fantastic son and brother. If anyone asks about my siblings I always say I have an older brother and younger sister. HE will always be my brother... and I will never forget him. No one will ever take his place- who could? Shane was unique. He was quick to get angry but yet the first one to keep the peace. I love that kid!! I just pray that God keeps his hands on his three children as they walk through this life without their earthly daddy. I pray that as they get older that the influence that my family has on them flows into their spiritual life. I hope these kids have great walks with the Lord. As they grow I hope that we can continue to be good role models for them. They are just so sweet.

The kids took balloons to the cemetery today... we hung them by his headstone. They don't really understand... but then, they do. The little ones said they wish their Daddy could come back. Chloe told me that she read in the Bible that the people in heaven can see us.... and they live in the clouds! :) Sweet kids.

So today, June 30, which is supposed to be his 31st birthday, we remember him... and continue to miss and love him!