Here are some posts from my mom and sister's blog.. my post is at the bottom.

MY MOM:
Life is not fair
How do you tell a 3 yr old they can't have their DADDY? Or explain to 3 little kids that DADDY'S house isn't their's anymore? or God love them, have their 7 yr old sister reading a childs book to them that explains about death to a little child. Chloe' took it upon herself in the car to read the book to them. She told me, " if I read it to them a couple of times maybe it will help them to understand that Daddy is an Angel", I ask her do you understand this Chloe' & she said yes. I believe her to, she seems so grown up about this. I guess thats the good thing about the age she is or the bad thing however you look at it. I don't believe I have seen her cry. The day I took her to see his headstone her eyes did get a little watery when we left. She is such a good big sister to them. Addi was adament yesterday that she wanted her daddy, I ended up in tears & bless my husbands heart he had to be the buffer, he took it from me & got Addi thinking about something else. We usually let them talk about Shane & we don't shy away from bringing him up & telling them that Daddy loves them & always will be with them but yesterday was different. I've always been the first to say that life is not fair but it's really not fair when you have to tell 3 young children that Daddy is gone....and they are all so loving, it really breaks my heart when I think of it. I try not to though. We both just love on them. Shower them with hugs & kisses. They are just so sweet. And Ashtyn is already his little sister's protecter. We took them to church today & when time came to take them to childrens church I took Addi to her room & asked Ashtyn if he wanted to go to the other room with kids his age & he said" No I have to stay with sister".
I try to imagine years down the road without Shane and even now at going on 9wks this week I can't. It's like I'm still waiting....

SISTER:
I feel the same way....it is definitely not real yet, and I still don't know when it will be. It just hits me sometimes, the reality of it. When I remember that night when I found out....or think about how I was making gingerbread doe for my busy weekend of Christmas parties at about the time that my brother was killed.....these things tear me up....That I had so many "important" things going on and then BOOM nothing mattered except being with my family! I know I couldn't have done anything but I almost feel guilty for being so busy or for baking cookies at the time that he died. Like I should have been there, or been on the phone with him or something....But not consumed with my own life. It is hard to explain these feelings but they just come on me sometimes and even I don't understand them. It is just so hard to accept the fact that he is gone. And that three little ones are left without a father. I get so frustrated when I see so many men who have children but don't take care of them....or men who dessert their families....or are locked up.....etc. All of these "fathers" make me so angry b/c my brother was an AMAZING DADDY!!! and he was taken away from his kids accidentally, but there are so many fathers out their who voluntarily leave their children. This is what doesn't seem fair to me, that someone who adored their children and wanted to be a great dad lost that chance, but others have the chance and dont take it!

ME:
I REALLY WISH THAT MY BROTHER WAS STILL HERE. IT IS SUCH A HARD REALIZATION TO KNOW THAT HE IS NOT HERE. I CAN NOT EVEN EXPLAIN IT.. BUT SOMETIMES IT HITS.. AND BOOM! MY HEART HURTS- I FEEL THOSE THINGS I FELT WHEN MY MOM SPOKE THE WORDS THROUGH HER TEARS TO ME THAT NIGHT. IT DOESNT LAST LONG- BUT IT HITS ME. I HAVE COME TO REALIZE THAT ALL OF US THAT HAVE LOST SHANE, WE LOST A DIFFERENT THING IN SHANE. I HURT SO BAD FOR MY MOM- WHO LOST HER FIRST BORN, HER SON... HER PRIDE AND JOY. SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN SO PROUD OF ALL THREE OF US. I DO NOT KONW HOW SHE GOES ON.. YES, I DO. SHE IS THE STRONGEST WOMAN WE KNOW. SHANE HAS SAID THAT MILLIONS OF TIMES ABOUT MY MOM. MY DAD LOST HIS FIRST BORN, HIS SON. I DONT KNOW HOW HE IS DEALING WITH IT- I KNOW HE IS REALLY STRUGGLING. I AM GLAD THAT BOTH MY MOM AND DAD ARE GETTING HIS KIDDOS.. AND ARE SPENDING TIME WITH THEM. BRITT AND I .. WE BOTH LOST.. OUR BIG BROTHER, OUR PROTECTOR, THE MAN WE LOOKED UP TOO. WE WILL NEVER HAVE A BIG BROTHER OR BROTHER EVER AGAIN. BUT IN MY EYES, I STILL HAVE A BROTHER, I MAY NOT HAVE HIM RIGHT NOW- BUT I STILL HAVE HIM. THE KIDS.. LOST AN AMAZING FATHER. I GET sooooo ANGRY WHEN I SEE THESE GUYS THAT DONT TAKE CARE OF THEIR KIDS, DADS THAT DONT SPEND TIME WITH THEIR KIDS, DADS THAT ARE IN JAIL, ANYTHING... ANYTHING BESIDES BEING THE DAD THAT THEY SHOULD BE. DOES IT MAKE ME THINK HOW UNFAIR LIFE IS? HECK YES IT DOES!!! IT TRULY IS NOT FAIR.. AND I GET SO MAD. I CAN NOT UNDERSTAND IT. BUT I AM COMING TO THE REALIZATION.. I DONT HAVE TO UNDERSTAND IT. I DONT GET A CHOICE. I KNOW I WILL SEE HIM AGAIN SOMEDAY. I SAY THAT LIGHTLY- WITH FAITH.. BUT STILL STRUGGLING TO GRASP IT. I THINK OF CHRISTINA, THE GIRL SHANE WAS DATING, THE GIRL THAT WAS MAKING HIM SO HAPPY-- I HURT FOR HER. MY HEART HAS HURT FOR HER SINCE THE MOMENT I FOUND OUT. I CAN NOT IMAGINE BEING IN HER SHOES. HER AND SHANE BOTH FELT THAT THEY HAD MET "that person." AND THEN.. THAT HAD TO HAPPEN. HE WAS SO EAGER TO INTRODUCE HER TO US.. I COULDNT WAIT. NOW I FEEL SO GUILTY- BECAUSE HE HAD WANTED ME TO CALL HER ONE DAY AFTER HE AND I WERE TALKING. MOST OF HIS GIRLFRIENDS NEVER LIKED ME.. BUT IT IS BECAUSE I SPEAK MY MIND, LOL. HE HAD WARNED HER ABOUT ME HE SAID. I TRIED TO TELL HIM THAT I HAD CHANGED, AND LEARNED MY LESSON.... BUT DONT HURT HIM! :) IN CASE YOU DO NOT KNOW US.. WE ARE A VERY PROTECTIVE FAMILY. I HURT FOR THE KIDS MOMS- CONSTANCE AND STEPHANIE.. ESPECIALLY STEPHANIE. SHE IS GOING THROUGH SO MUCH RIGHT NOW. I CAN NOT IMAGINE. SHE HAS LOST A PART OF SHANE THAT SHE WILL NEVER GET BACK. SHE HAS TO BE MOMMMY AND DADDY TO THOSE BABIES.. LIFE IS NOT FAIR.

IT HAS BEEN 2 MONTHS NOW. I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT. STEPHANIE SENT MY MOM FLOWERS AT WORK THAT DAY. IT MEANT A LOT TO ME THAT SHE THOUGHT OF MY MOM THAT DAY, THANKS STEPH. I CAN NOT BELIEVE WE HAVE REALLY WALKED ON THIS EARTH FOR 2 MTHS AND NOT TALKED TO OR SEEN HIM. I CAN NOT BELIEVE I SPENT A WHOLE MONTH IN TEXAS... AND BURIED MY BROTHER. IT IS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND STILL. I THINK I GET THROUGH EACH DAY BECAUSE I HONESTLY THINK ILL TALK TO HIM AGAIN SOON-- THAT HE IS JUST GONE SOMEWHERE RIGHT NOW. I LOVE YOU BIG BROTHER AND I MISS YOU SO MUCH.