Realization

Sometimes the realization of what has happen hits you in the face full force. Last night Abbey and Ryan were over looking at my baby book and I was showing them some baby pictures. Of course most of my pictures I had were of me and Shane because BT was not here yet. The DeMoss' came over later and we had our LOST party. Everyone left by 1015, and Nate and I had just finished teh kitchen. About 1045 we were heading to bed.. I went to the kitchen to get a TUMS and... it just hit me. And I get angry/sad all mixed together. This isn't the way it is suppose to be. The realization that I truly have not talked to my brother since the first of December is a slap in the face as well. Time does make it easier- for me. But it could be because I do not live at home... but when things just hit me- i hate it. I say I know it has gotten easier because in December I could not imagine being happy even when Noah was born... now I am truly excited for that. People keep saying that Shane was able to hold Noah before he comes in this world... not sure how I feel about stuff like that-- but it does make a person feel good.

I always worry- about everyone in my famimly now. I pray that God keeps them safe, because I just could not handle something like this again...

Simply put- I clearly miss my brother. A.LOT.