I worry about this mom thing. What if I can't do it? I have had a wonderful life and everything has always come so easy for me. I am not saying that to brag, but I am being honest. My mom made sure that we had a great life growing up. Losing my brother in December was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my entire life. I have not had much heartache, sadness, failures, etc. in my life. But what if I can not do this. I know what everyone says.. youll be fine, it will come natural.. da da da! :) But this is my blog, and this is what I want to write about. I have hopes and dreams of the kind of mom I WAnt to be. The ways I want to handle things, how I want things to go, etc. Of course, if I have learned one thing of being a military wife it is that things dont always go my way. Which is FINE! But I pray that I can be the mom that God intends me to be. I have watched so many people travel down this path I am about to venture down- and I have seen it handled so many different ways. I just wonder- how is it going to be for me? I pray it comes easy and natural to me, like pretty much everything has in my life. I have a wonderful example, my own mom, to follow- so that is helpful. But this is scary.
But as I get closer- the more ready I am. I am so ready to meet my little boy. I am beyond ready to experience the next level with Nathan. I am ready to watch the man I love turn into a daddy... to a little boy that we created together. I know that God gave us Noah at the perfect time, and I know that no matter what- it is all going to be good. I ahve the same fears that something is going to be wrong when he comes out. If I have learned one thing-- it is that anything can happen to anyone. When Shane died, I kept saying.. these things dont happen to my family. Well BANG it just did! So, that is something that I have learned.. I am not immune to anything. I know that God will help me handle whatever comes my way. But is it bad of me to pray for that perfect, healthy baby boy?
Does this blog make me sound like a bad person? We did not have any tests ran on Noah that a lot of people do.. for downs syndrome and those kinds of things. We didnt care. So, I am now at the point where I think about those. Of course. I will love my son no matter what.... but I do earnestly pray....
Oh, geez.. these are just my thoughts. I hope that I dont offend anyone.
of course you aren't offending anyone & if you did then thats their problem. All these doubts & fears are a normal emotion you are feeling. Every soon to be new Mommy goes thru this same things, it's normal. But you know what you are going to be ok. You will have a healthy baby. But no matter what you are one strong young lady as is Nate a strong young man. Y'all will handle everything just fine. God is Good ALL the Time. I love you so much & in just a few short weeks you will grasp just how much a Mother loves her child. I love you so much Cassey Lyn
ReplyDelete