Wouldn't you know that Noah has started sleeping until close to 7am now! It is great, but now I need to revamp our morning routine to fit this! :) This little boy is the light of my life. He helps me smile constantly. I am rarely upset or discouraged... and it is because of his sweet innocence! Noah knows how to make me laugh and make me smile. It is a great feeling to know that I am needed so much. There have been a few moments since Daddy has been deployed that I have wanted a break. Not a whole day feeling that way- but just like 10 minutes. :) But we take what we can get and I truly think that Noah and I cherish our time together. Working is great.. but I HATE being away from him all day! I am not sure what the future holds for us in California... but the thought of being a Stay At Home Mom is there... and Nate is willing to try it. We are just so use to a two family income. But then I think- that is a sacrifice we should be willing to make... This is part of the reason we have saved so hard. Who cares if we can't save for retirement as much as we have in the past few years? Wouldn't it be worth it to be home with my boy? Yea, I do think so... Well I had a moment, so I wanted to write.. Gotta go wake my boy and get him ready for the day!
XOXO
Tuesday, 22 February 2011
Monday, 21 February 2011
Who would have thought...
That my 10 month old would think it would be cool to climb out of his crib and fall to the ground. You know when you get pregnant and everyone starts to give you advice.. one of the most popular things you are told: Don't ever let your baby sleep with you! The people that can do that- I commend you. I like to blame it on the fact that I work full time and I am tired and it is easier to bring him to bed with me... and this is true.. BUT in all honesty, I enjoy having my little guy in bed with me. He doesn't normally start out in bed with me.. but he almost ALWAYS ends up there.. especially since Daddy has been gone. Why I regret this.. Well, I can't just lay him in his bed and he will go to sleep. I have to get him to sleep for naps and bed time. Most days/nights this is okay.. Other times it would be ideal to be able to put him in his bed to put himself to sleep... BUT I enjoy having my little munchkin in bed with me! :) So yesterday I was trying to get him to nap on his own... Yea.. haha! I let him cry for 10 minutes, went in to console him.. and then layed him back down. I let him cry again.. and about five minutes into it, I hear BANG! He straight up fell out of his bed!!! So now I have turned his bed around.... but I am wondering how I am going to get him in his bed because the back side is fairly tall! :) Oh the joys of being a Mommy! I LOVE IT!
Sunday, 13 February 2011
Being a Wife and Mommy
Being a wife has been one of the best things in my life... being a wife to Nate.. makes it all the better. We are so much alike.. and yet so very different. We absolutely fit. It is hard to believe that we have been "together" for 11 years and in May we will have been married for 8. This man has made me the happiest woman alive. I wasn't one of those girls that dreamed of a fairy tale wedding or life.... and I think that is great... because I don't have those expectations. I have changed a lot since Nate and I married.. we both have. We have found our happy place- in the middle -- and well it totally works for us. We spent seven years together, married, without a kiddo. 7 years.. and yet, now.. it is so hard to even remember a time without Noah. Next month Noah will be 1. Are you serious? When people say that time flies- they are not lying. This little boy has come into our life.. and has really brought so much into it. Who would have ever known that a child could add so much 'flavor' to a marriage? It is so exciting to wake up everyday and have this little dude to take care of. I never thought that I would love being a mommy so much.. but I love it as much as I have loved being a wife! I was born for this- to be a wife and Mommy.. and the Lord new exactly WHO I was going to be a wife too and WHO I was going to be a mommy too. I am so very thankful for both of these men in my life.
We have about two more months before Nate comes home. Time really has flown... but it is hard. In a lot of ways this deployment has been much harder than the others... and in a lot of ways it has been so much easier. It is hard to watch Noah.. watch him grow and learn new things and know that Nater is missing out. It is hard knowing that Nate hurts being away from his little boy.. it is hard sometimes watching them skype... or Noah saying Dada... or when their only interaction is over a computer. But man, I am SO thankful that we have these things to help us through these times. It has not been near as hard being a 'single mom' as I thought. Maybe it is because I am who I am. I do what I do... and I like to think I am pretty strong. I don't let things get me down or burdened to often. It has been easier in a lot of ways because I do have this little guy that brings me such joy!
So tomorrow is Valentine's Day! A day of love that I am going to really enjoy.. who cares if Nate isn't here? It isn't about that. It is about LOVE. And holy cow- do I have LOVE in my LIFE!!!! :)
XOXO
We have about two more months before Nate comes home. Time really has flown... but it is hard. In a lot of ways this deployment has been much harder than the others... and in a lot of ways it has been so much easier. It is hard to watch Noah.. watch him grow and learn new things and know that Nater is missing out. It is hard knowing that Nate hurts being away from his little boy.. it is hard sometimes watching them skype... or Noah saying Dada... or when their only interaction is over a computer. But man, I am SO thankful that we have these things to help us through these times. It has not been near as hard being a 'single mom' as I thought. Maybe it is because I am who I am. I do what I do... and I like to think I am pretty strong. I don't let things get me down or burdened to often. It has been easier in a lot of ways because I do have this little guy that brings me such joy!
So tomorrow is Valentine's Day! A day of love that I am going to really enjoy.. who cares if Nate isn't here? It isn't about that. It is about LOVE. And holy cow- do I have LOVE in my LIFE!!!! :)
XOXO
Saturday, 12 February 2011
Life
Life has continued.. and so many things have been going on. Nate left in November, Noah and I spent Christmas in Texas, and we have been back in Misawa since then. We received orders to Beale AFB, California and will be heading there this summer.. Noah is 10 months old.. a walking fool... and we are eagerly waiting for our Daddy to come home sometime in April. With all of that said... I hope I can start writing more! :)
Friday, 26 November 2010
One of those days
It could be because:
-I miss Nathan
-I am tiring of being alone already
-I secretly wish I could spend the next five months at home
-Drama in my heart
-Hurt feelings
-A childhood friend getting killed in a car wreck a few nights ago
-Addi asking when her daddy is going to wake up
-Me thinking about my last day with Shane
But I am in tears. I want to go home, but I can't. I am going home in a couple of weeks.. but I want to now. I keep thinking of my last day with Shane.. then I remembered a couple of words we shared for a minute and I lost it.
Shane said: 3 years is a long time, Cass
I said: Yea, but they will go by SO fast
I can't get that small conversation out of my head. Those are the only words I remember.. BUT had I known, I would have fought tooth and nail for us to stay in America. Had I known, I would have been the one to come to America after my being gone a year, instead of mom and Britt coming to me. Had I known- I would have hugged him a little longer.
I'm not good with emotions.. so with all of us crying.. I am sure I was rushing the hugs. I remember when we first got to the airport.. My luggage was too heavy.. and I was just trying as we tried to adjust it. I remember Shane and Greg dealing with it mostly. I remember Shane getting in my face and telling me to calm down.
I remember:
his smile
his laugh
his sense of humor
his voice
his HANDS
I remember all of the good and bad.. Gosh, I need my brother back. This isn't fair.. life isn't fair. Here we are inching our way to the year mark. Tuesday is a year since I last talked to him...
I don't ever want to forget. EVER.
-I miss Nathan
-I am tiring of being alone already
-I secretly wish I could spend the next five months at home
-Drama in my heart
-Hurt feelings
-A childhood friend getting killed in a car wreck a few nights ago
-Addi asking when her daddy is going to wake up
-Me thinking about my last day with Shane
But I am in tears. I want to go home, but I can't. I am going home in a couple of weeks.. but I want to now. I keep thinking of my last day with Shane.. then I remembered a couple of words we shared for a minute and I lost it.
Shane said: 3 years is a long time, Cass
I said: Yea, but they will go by SO fast
I can't get that small conversation out of my head. Those are the only words I remember.. BUT had I known, I would have fought tooth and nail for us to stay in America. Had I known, I would have been the one to come to America after my being gone a year, instead of mom and Britt coming to me. Had I known- I would have hugged him a little longer.
I'm not good with emotions.. so with all of us crying.. I am sure I was rushing the hugs. I remember when we first got to the airport.. My luggage was too heavy.. and I was just trying as we tried to adjust it. I remember Shane and Greg dealing with it mostly. I remember Shane getting in my face and telling me to calm down.
I remember:
his smile
his laugh
his sense of humor
his voice
his HANDS
I remember all of the good and bad.. Gosh, I need my brother back. This isn't fair.. life isn't fair. Here we are inching our way to the year mark. Tuesday is a year since I last talked to him...
I don't ever want to forget. EVER.
Thanksgiving
"I will enter His gates with Thanksgiving in my heart, I will enter His courts with praise... I will rejoice for He has made me glad."
I try to live my life with Thanksgiving in my heart! I like to think I am a pretty thankful person! We just celebrated Thanksgiving without Daddy here with us .. and without Shane at all. Times are hard, but we carry on and remember what we are thankful for.
Thank you GOD!!! For my husband, my son, my family, my health, my friends, my job, my dog, my home, my experiences, my convictions, my salvation, forgiveness, my heart, etc. Thank you
I try to live my life with Thanksgiving in my heart! I like to think I am a pretty thankful person! We just celebrated Thanksgiving without Daddy here with us .. and without Shane at all. Times are hard, but we carry on and remember what we are thankful for.
Thank you GOD!!! For my husband, my son, my family, my health, my friends, my job, my dog, my home, my experiences, my convictions, my salvation, forgiveness, my heart, etc. Thank you
Saturday, 30 October 2010
Halloween
I can't believe it has been over a month since I have written.
Noah- He is now seven months.. and going everywhere. He has taken a step several times. I feel like he will be walking sooner rather than later. He is into everything and saying MAMA all the time. He says PAPA every now and again.. I am trying to get him to say DADA! We shall see what he ends up doing. Him and Dezi have become awesome friends. Dezi enjoys him now and will bring her toys to him. Noah just laughs and laughs when she does this.. he doesnt understand throwing it yet, so we help him. Noah is very into MUSIC. His daddy has made him this way. It is adorable. He is just the light of our life. He makes one cute pumpkin too for Halloween. He eats pretty much what we eat and is still solely breastfed. I am very proud of this. When I had him my goal was six months.. to feed him for at least six months. That would mean I would only have to feed him for about a month after going back to work. But I had a nurse that talked to me about it when I was in the hospital and she talked about how important it was.. and her goal was to do it for one year. SO she did.. and she was a flight nurse.. so she was on flights a lot. So, I have continued. He feeds in the mornings and nights from me.. and I pump once, sometimes twice a day at school. It is working out great.
Nate: He is getting ready to leave us. As matter of fact, his expected departure date is less than a month away. When I hear him talking about the out processing he has done, it makes my stomach turn. This is going to be so hard.. when we skype. Watching Noah NOT be able to get to his daddy. Watchign Nate NOT being able to hold him and play with him. I am not sure I am ready for this- but really, what choice do I have. A couple pluses... my best friends (Kim and Abbey).. both of their husbands are gone at that time too. ... I will get to go home for two weeks at Christmas... and we PCS very shortly after Nate returns. We should find out pretty soon where we will be going. We have our fingers crossed for Dyess AFB in Abilene.. that would be AWESOMe. Right there with my sister AND only 5 hours from home!! Nate will be missing Christmas and Noah's 1st birthday.. So, we are celebrating Christmas in November and Noahs bday when he gets back. I guess.. ready or not.. its gonna happen.
Work: Is going great. I have an awesome bunch of kiddos. I just love them. They makes leaving Noah not as bad. It is a good thing I love them so much and my job... But my prayer is that Nate's heart will soften as we move back to America and he will consider letting me be a SAHM. I am looking into other options so I do not have to go back into the classroom as soon as we get home. But my biggest hurdle to get over with that is my husband.. But my heart is with Noah and that is where I WANT to be and where I FEEL I should be. So, I guess we shall see.
October: Has gone by so fast. This month at home.. is a harder month. Yamboree, Treats on the Square, Halloween. Last year- Shane was there. This year.. he isnt. My mom is awesome. She has been so awesome with those kids the past 11 months. I can not believe we are about to hit the year mark on December 3rd. I am NOT ready for that. Time has gone fast and it angers me. Why has life gone on without my big brother? But I am so thankful that God gave me Noah.. he has been my saving grace this year. He has brought joy to me that I have never known int he hardest month of my life. There are days that I just break down.. and it is hard to recover sometimes. I hate when I do that on my way to work... it is hard. But I do not think that there has been a single day that has gone by that I have not thought about my brother. I dont understand it.. probably never will. But I have to believe he is loving every bit of heaven as he watches over his kiddos. I just ache for them.. for all of us. Selfishly, I ache because my son will never know his Uncle Shane. I am just soooo glad Shane knew I was having a boy before all that happened. Oh, December 3rd-- please slow down from getting here......
Noah- He is now seven months.. and going everywhere. He has taken a step several times. I feel like he will be walking sooner rather than later. He is into everything and saying MAMA all the time. He says PAPA every now and again.. I am trying to get him to say DADA! We shall see what he ends up doing. Him and Dezi have become awesome friends. Dezi enjoys him now and will bring her toys to him. Noah just laughs and laughs when she does this.. he doesnt understand throwing it yet, so we help him. Noah is very into MUSIC. His daddy has made him this way. It is adorable. He is just the light of our life. He makes one cute pumpkin too for Halloween. He eats pretty much what we eat and is still solely breastfed. I am very proud of this. When I had him my goal was six months.. to feed him for at least six months. That would mean I would only have to feed him for about a month after going back to work. But I had a nurse that talked to me about it when I was in the hospital and she talked about how important it was.. and her goal was to do it for one year. SO she did.. and she was a flight nurse.. so she was on flights a lot. So, I have continued. He feeds in the mornings and nights from me.. and I pump once, sometimes twice a day at school. It is working out great.
Nate: He is getting ready to leave us. As matter of fact, his expected departure date is less than a month away. When I hear him talking about the out processing he has done, it makes my stomach turn. This is going to be so hard.. when we skype. Watching Noah NOT be able to get to his daddy. Watchign Nate NOT being able to hold him and play with him. I am not sure I am ready for this- but really, what choice do I have. A couple pluses... my best friends (Kim and Abbey).. both of their husbands are gone at that time too. ... I will get to go home for two weeks at Christmas... and we PCS very shortly after Nate returns. We should find out pretty soon where we will be going. We have our fingers crossed for Dyess AFB in Abilene.. that would be AWESOMe. Right there with my sister AND only 5 hours from home!! Nate will be missing Christmas and Noah's 1st birthday.. So, we are celebrating Christmas in November and Noahs bday when he gets back. I guess.. ready or not.. its gonna happen.
Work: Is going great. I have an awesome bunch of kiddos. I just love them. They makes leaving Noah not as bad. It is a good thing I love them so much and my job... But my prayer is that Nate's heart will soften as we move back to America and he will consider letting me be a SAHM. I am looking into other options so I do not have to go back into the classroom as soon as we get home. But my biggest hurdle to get over with that is my husband.. But my heart is with Noah and that is where I WANT to be and where I FEEL I should be. So, I guess we shall see.
October: Has gone by so fast. This month at home.. is a harder month. Yamboree, Treats on the Square, Halloween. Last year- Shane was there. This year.. he isnt. My mom is awesome. She has been so awesome with those kids the past 11 months. I can not believe we are about to hit the year mark on December 3rd. I am NOT ready for that. Time has gone fast and it angers me. Why has life gone on without my big brother? But I am so thankful that God gave me Noah.. he has been my saving grace this year. He has brought joy to me that I have never known int he hardest month of my life. There are days that I just break down.. and it is hard to recover sometimes. I hate when I do that on my way to work... it is hard. But I do not think that there has been a single day that has gone by that I have not thought about my brother. I dont understand it.. probably never will. But I have to believe he is loving every bit of heaven as he watches over his kiddos. I just ache for them.. for all of us. Selfishly, I ache because my son will never know his Uncle Shane. I am just soooo glad Shane knew I was having a boy before all that happened. Oh, December 3rd-- please slow down from getting here......
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