Numb Part II

Monday, December 7, 2009- My moms birthday and my brothers funeral

Such a very sad day. I woke up and told my moma happy birthday. It was a quiet one, you dont really know what to say on a day like this. Nate had stayed at his house with my cousins, i remember calling to make sure that they were up and ready. The funeral was to begin at 10am. Meguell and Britt's friend Kori showed up at the house- they were so great. The carried the cross that Brian and Craig had made and a few other things to the church. We all head to the church. We are pulling into the church when we see the hearse pulling up as well. This was very hard. We all stood quietly outside in the cold weather as they opened the back and proceeded to bring my brother out in the casket. I just cried. This isn't right at all. Nothing about this whole situation is right or okay.

Once they had Shane in the church, they took him to the front and began doing what they do. At this point, Meguell is setting up the projector to do the slide show that was created for my brother. We are busy in the foyer of the church hanging the 2 posters with pictures full of Shane .. they looked so great. Now that I think of it, I do not even think we took a single picture of them. We put Shanes picture and the picture of him and my grandpa on the foyer table and placed the cross with markers on another table for people to sign.

When I walked into the sanctuary, it was hard. I was amazed at how many more flowers we had when they began placing htem in there. I had put our ultrasound picture of baby noah in the coffin with Shane and put Uncle Shane on it. Granted, I understand that shane was no longer there-- but it made me feel better. He was filled with things he loved. There were so many people there. Before it started I remember looking back and seeing all of the people standing up-- there was a whole group of Shane's friends there... I went and got them and brought them to the two empty pews in the church. Then the service began.

It was very hard, yet sooo beautiful! Britt leaned over at one point and told me that Shane would have laughed because this church was more full today than it had been in years. We could totally hear Shane talking about that! Our sweet brother. It was soooo hard, we just sat there and cried. i was between Brittany and Nathan and could feel their support the whole time. The songs played were "Amazing Grace," which was sang by Constance, chloe's mom.... "One Sweet Day" by Mariah Carey. Shane alawys said he wanted that since one of his friends when he was 17 died and it was played at his funeral. And "Chinaberry Lane." Written and sang by Bro. Mark. This was so fitting for Shane. We grew up on Chinaberry Rd. and Shane always wanted to come back there, which he did-- and raise his children. My dad spoke.. it was very sad. Then Bro. Mark spoke. Bro. Mark spoke the sweetest words. Shane would have loved every minute of it. Shane had a resident from Truman Smith come.. in his wheelchair and all, struggling to talk, but to share about him and to let Shane know they all loved him. It tore your heart out. My brother was loved. When I looked behind me in the middle of the service .. there were people lined on the back wall and the side walls. i hope Shane knew how much our community truly loved him. What a great man.

It was a very hard day! I love him. i miss him everday. It seems so unfair to move on with life.. while.. he isnt here. I know people do it all the time, but how? It isnt fair. HE was such a HUGE part of our lives. I just do not understand. I pray that the Lord will restore my faith, because this... this is just too much.

On Tuesday:
We went and picked out Shanes headstone. It is so fitting for him. i will take a picture of the paper copy of what we are doign adn share it soon.

Thank you all for your continued support for my whole family. We are so grateful! Thanks to those that have given to our babies. Please keep us in your prayers.