Pregnancy

*In an attempt to make my blog a little less negative/sad for some, I am going to post about different topics...*

Pregnancy, well.. it suits me. I enjoy it tremendously. The Lord has blessed Nate and I with this beautiful baby boy that is growing inside me. Along with that, the Lord has blessed us with an amazing pregnancy. On Wednesday (a day and a half) we will be 30 weeks. The time has literally flown by. All of this with no morning sickness, no aches, no pains, no braxton hicks.. nothing! It has been.... well near to perfect. I continously say how blessed I am.

But as we get closer and closer to meeting Baby Noah, the more and more I LOVE being pregnant. I am sure it is going to be amazing when I have him- but I know that I am going to miss being pregnant 100%. I love it! Also as we approach so much closer to this time of him entering our lives.. I become.. SCARED. FREAKED OUT! Seriously.. all you hear women say are how excited they are. I am a freaking nervous wreck. Our lives are about to change like crazy... It has just been.. well, US for the past 7 years.. this is going to be so different. Wow.

We have his room totally set up. We have every last thing we could possibly need for him. It is amazing. And I love EVERYTHING! Everything is exactly how I wanted it for the room adn everything else... It will be fun to have him, but oh so scary. When Allie (Kim's baby) is here.. I get more excited.. but when it is just Nate and I.. those are the times when I am like.. uh-- what the heck are WE DOING!?!? Craziness!

It is very obvious to me that GOD had Noah planned for us.. and at this time. We were not preventing for three years-- and it just so happens God allowed us to be blessed with this pregnancy 1.less than a month after Nate came home from Iraq 2.when I have a job that I am very happy with 3.when my sister really wanted me too 4.and gave me this boy when I lost one of the most important men in my life.

*If you dont want to read about my brother- dont read this part*
During the visitation and funeral time.. you have no clue how many people I had saying to me something about how... "God is giving you this boy at the perfect time because he knew Shane was going to be gone." Stuff like that. What did I do? I cried and smiled and hugged and said thank you. You know what I wanted to say? "SHUT UP" Seirously.. because in my mourning mind I was thinking..... if God is giving me this son to help me deal with my brother, I would much rather just have my brother. That makes sense to me. To others.. well it may seem harsh. But I mean it. But I also realize, even if I dont want to accept it, that god has a bigger plan. God has a reason that he allowed all of this to happen to Shane... and I have to be happy about Noah. And I am happy- but it is so hard. I have had a lot of people tell me that when I have Noah .. that I will experience the happiness that I am missing in my life right now.

Noah is due in two months.. and some days. It will be here before we know it. I am excited to have this child that is part of me and part of the man I love with all of my heart. I am so thankful to Nate for giving me the chance to carry his son and to be the mother of his son! This is an exciting time-- even among all of these hard times!!! :)