Blessed Be Your Name

Lately, Noah and I have been doing some serious jamming out to this song while we are in the car. I can't help but play it over and over and over....

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

There are two parts of this song that just make my heart ache...

"Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name"

I just keep thinking about when Shane (my brother) died in a car wreck. This was the time in my life I was definitely in the most desert place, walking through the wilderness, on a road with suffering... and at this time.. I did NOT say blessed be your name. Instead, I was angry. SO ANGRY! I spent about a year in this anger. Even my closest of friends don't know of this... don't know how I dealt day in and day out... the things I went through in my mind and heart... but you know what... when I look back to that first year after his death... I see how I pulled from Him... and i know that my close friends could definitely see that!

So many people, especially those that I worked with, always told me that I always seemed so happy... a smile on my face. Let me tell you.. I can fake it until I make it with the best of them! :) But back to what I was saying.. I struggled you guys.. so bad. And during this, I let my faith falter.. I quit going to church as much, I quit going to Bible Study, I quit praying as much, reading the Word.. and during this.. I watched one of my best friends fall along side of me.. and the other... just press on. God has been so good! A friend I never really even knew was a Christian.. today is one of the most Godly women that I know. I just wish I had been able to be that Godly friend for her... during the hardest time of my life... but I FAILED guys. I failed. I let Satan take control over me.. and make me angry.

No, I did not turn into a bad person.. but I did turn from the Lord... and I didn't confide in Him. I let my heart grow weary and cold... and parts of it still might be. It is a work in progress. For me, I know that my God is an amazing God ... a healer. My sister once said to me that she didn't understand why God didn't just heal Shane... why couldn't God have just let him get hurt? Why did he allow my brother to die? I know He didn't cause the wreck or anything... but He does have complete control.. right?

Sooooo.. this song. It just makes me cry and smile all at the same time!! I wish I could say that through the hardest time in my life... I had cried out and held strong to the Lord... but... I didn't. I failed in that area.. and THAT hurts my heart. So, with that said... Tell me about a time you found yourself in the desert place... Did you cling to the Lord or find yourself fall away? Leave a comment and you will be entered into a drawing. I see so many of my blogging friends doing this... I too, will do it! For our first drawing, I am not going to tell you what it is.. But you have until September 20th to comment .... that will enter your into the drawing... if you share my blog on FB.. comment again and tell me, that will give you an additional submission into the contest. We will see how this goes.. maybe I can do a drawing monthly.. but this will be in honor of my 28th birthday!

Let me know what you think!